I have never been the type of person to just be able to instantly fall asleep. There’s rare occasions that I can but if it’s not do to hypothyroidism it’s maybe a few times a year. I can even remember it as a baby. I would get yelled at to go to sleep when there was nothing I could do to go to sleep. I’d just lay there with my brain racing.
It never fails. I lay my head down to go to sleep then my brain starts up. First it’s reviewing the day then it’s just all sorts of random thoughts. It’s not like it is anxiety or anything like that.
It’s also not as if it’s bad thoughts or depression like is usually assumed. Granted as a teenager there was a lot of bot anxiety and depression.
It’s more like just random thoughts and ideas and oddly enough random visualizations of things. The strangest thing about that is in my mind’s eye I can see perfectly clearly yet with my eyes I never have or will be able to see that clearly in my life.
Any sound or light just restarts the mind if it’s shutting down at all. It doesn’t matter what it is, cars, trains, breeze, even the lights from the buildings across the railroad tracks from our bedroom window.
Most nights I lay there awake for at least an hour. The worst is when I wake up in the middle of the night and lay there wide awake for hours.
Sometimes I feel jealous of those who can just instantly fall asleep or randomly fall asleep on a chair or something.
I often joke that sleep is for the weak or that I’ll sleep when I die but I wish it was something I could get more of sometimes. It has been a little better the past year but still not great